Archive for March 2010

Appalling society

March 25, 2010

I’m back. Sort of. I’ve thought about writing here for a while, but put it off… for many reasons. Reasons of life and death.

First of all, life. New life growing inside me. Yay! Baby #3 is due later this year. I’m extremely happy, but also very nauseous. But I’m not here to write about this pregnancy. Suffice to say that it is happening, my kids are excited about it, and we’re having fun looking at internet videos of growing fetuses! Technology sure is neat.

Now, for death. No, I’m not going to go on about putting down our family dog, yet again. Except to express my deep confusion over the morals of this society to which I and you and everyone we know all belong…

You see, my Grandma, at the age of 90, is dying. She’s lived a full life, but even before the stroke she suffered recently which left her mostly brain dead, she was starting to express her interest in being done with this life. I mean, my gosh, when you’ve lived a life of caring for others – cooking, cleaning up, catering to, caring for – and you can no longer even wipe your own bum, it’s gotta feel like time to move on.

So herein lies my confusion: why the hell is it humane to give a domesticated animal a needle to put them down, when we feel it’s convenient, for us, for the pet – especially when we see that pet is in pain, and at the end of its life – and yet, it’s considered murder to do the same for a human? A human who is suffering no more or less than that pet, a human who is so obviously ready to go.

I had this conversation with my uncle earlier, and he said, it’s because of religion. The Church makes it illegal to use the needle for a human being. And we call ourselves humane, and moral. I call it messed up. And I just can’t get my head around it.

I went back home recently, to see my Grandma, and to support my mom, who is the only one close by to deal with all the crap that goes with having two parents in a home, and deteriorating health, mental issues like dementia and strokes and everything else. I said goodbye. But then I had to leave, to come back to my own family. And so we wait, to see how long my Grandma’s organs will hold out. We wait, putting all other plans on hold, in anticipation of a funeral. At the home, they told my mom to go ahead with her holiday. Yeah, right. We can’t just think of ourselves at these times – what about my grandma’s dear friends, who have been by her side daily, as my mom has, holding her hand, hearts breaking for the state of purgatory of having already said, and still having to anticipate saying, goodbye.

It cost dearly to go visit my Grandma, but I’m glad I went. I have in the past asked different airlines about a grievance fare for attending a funeral….you know what? The cost was three times a regular airfare! Brutal. Why would a business even have something called “grievance” fare, if it costs you MORE? Shouldn’t it be there to HELP you in a time of need? Even if you have to produce a death certificate?

I think our society has moved towards caring too much about making money, and business, and we barely focus on life and death. I don’t know what I, myself, will do about this. Look into Buddhism. Preach life and death, over making money. No, I won’t preach – preaching is what got us into so many of the messes we are in, I think. I’ll bring my kids to the funeral (but probably won’t have them present at my birth). I’ll wallow in my sadness and purgatory, and feel closer to my mom despite the geographical distance between us, and the other family members who are far away, and waiting. I hope we can all be together at the funeral, whenever it is, because that should be the point too, right? To get family members together. Weddings and funerals. Life and death.